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The rain was pounding on my window to the same degree that tears were streaming down my face. I had just left a counseling session talking through my sense of self-identity.
I was desperate to uncover who God made me.
The problem was I had spent most of my life trying to be something others would respect. I wanted to be something that others would need. You could say it’s part of being an , but more likely, it’s birthed out of the broken places in me. I had picked up the desire to be needed.
The issue was that I had spent most of my life striving to earn others’ respect. I aimed to become someone others would rely on. You could attribute it to being an enneagram two, but it’s more likely rooted in my own brokenness. I adopted the longing to be needed.
Out of this, my identity became a conglomeration of many different things that masked who I was more than it helped me live true to who God made me. From there, I created my own form of identity crisis.
I struggled to understand myself and my purpose, creating this gaping wound that seemed to fester in all areas of my life. In many cases, leaving me feeling worthless while also falling victim to anything promising to help me ‘become.’
There is a lot of chatter in the world about self-identity. It’s the theme of the self-help industry that has taken over bookshelves worldwide.
I don’t disagree; we need to understand ourselves (to have a solid self-identity) to live our best selves.
But it’s not so much about understanding who you are but whose you are.
It could be the word ‘self’ in self-identity that throws us for a loop, leaving us chasing what it was never intended to be. But your self-identity is less about amplifying yourself and more about your connection to something greater. It’s recognizing your place not as an independent being but interconnected with God.
Your self-identity is your sense of self, not your created self but your God-created being. Understanding this changes things because when you change your self-identity, you change how your body responds to all of your life. That includes the food that you eat.
Make sure you listen to the podcast to get a full explanation of the healing power of self-identity.
The Healing Power of Identity
As I sat in my car post-therapy, I started recognizing everything I attempted to attach my identity to. I wanted to be the best mom and an attentive wife. I wanted to help people change their bodies. To respect them and love them. I wanted to be known for my career. Yet I still desired to be set apart. I wanted others to see Christ in me.
As I sat there, pointing out everything I needed to be, I felt more exhausted than ever. If I’m honest, everything felt hopeless. The more I would try to be all of the things, the more I seemed to fail. The harder I pushed, the more tired I became.
It’s a brutal reality so many of us face.
You’re trying—really trying—and yet you’re left with broken pieces of yourself that you don’t know how to put back together. In the process, it changes your entire biology.
I don’t want you to miss this because I fear so many people exist in this same place, trying to be everything while working hard to live healthy. Yet, the results never come.
You’re tired, burnt out, just getting by. You’re surviving, and all of that is changing your biology.
But let me remind you what I had to learn the hard way. God didn’t call you to a life of just getting by. The God of the Bible did not place you on earth to struggle through life. He didn’t put you here to live, feeling like the best you can do is to just put one foot in front of the other.
He placed you here so that you can have life and have it abundantly.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
John 10:10
You were designed to run the race, not trudge through.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Choosing Your Identity
God designed you to live, to be fully present in the moment. Yet, this can be a challenging task. Often, doubt and fear seep in, causing you to question your life, chase after illusions, and fret over what may never come to pass.
Most of the time, it comes from choosing the wrong identity.
That’s why paying attention to what you’re holding as your identity is important. Be careful not to cling to what is temporary, which makes up most of our life situations. Attaching your identity to temporary things only leads to worry and anxiety. That’s why you shouldn’t attach your identity to your health, money, career, or people. It’s not that those things are wrong, but they’re temporary, not eternal.
If and when they’re taken away, you lose your sense of self, even your purpose, and often your health. It’s a form of self-created misery that comes out of a misrepresentation of your intended identity.
Your self-identity is not plural but singular. It’s one thing, not multiple things, that will influence all other things. Stop trying to make everything in your life as part of your identity.
Your identity should be only as a created child of God. Out of that, it shapes your entire life, taking away the things the world told you are your identity and removing the fear of losing them. In the process, this allows you to relinquish your control so that you can fully live.
Living with the right identity is the ultimate form of freedom.
5 Truths About Self-Identity
TRUTH 01: YOUR IDENTITY IS SEPARATE FROM YOUR SITUATION
Your identity is so important you’ll spend your life trying to fulfill it. Unfortunately, the weaker the things you use to fill that, or better said, the more temporary those things are, the more unsatisfied you will be.
This deep need for satisfaction leads many people to chase destinations they believe will fill them. But they won’t. Not because many of those situations aren’t good but because they aren’t lasting.
The only thing that will fill your longings is something eternal and outside of you. That is God.
But getting to this place takes recognizing that your situation and where you find yourself does not make up your identity. Just because you have body fat does not mean you are fat. Just because you got fired does not mean you are unworthy of work.
Your story does not make up your identity, but your identity should shape your story. That starts by recognizing your identity is separate from your situation.
TRUTH 02: YOUR IDENTITY IS ALWAYS EVOLVING
I don’t mean that your identity is changing, as in jumping from one thing to the other. Your identity is continually growing and expanding.
Research understands that your identity is not fixed but is created through a collection of ideas and interpretations about who you are and the purpose of life.
I believe God, in His goodness, is continually working to expand your view and trust in Him.
We saw this in the Old Testament as God led his people out of slavery and into the wilderness. He continuously reminded them of who He was and what He had done for them, shaping their belief in what He would continue to do.
His word is alive and active. Out of that, He is constantly working on shaping your identity with Him at the center. God desired for you to build an identity and firm foundation on Him.
TRUTH 03: YOUR IDENTITY IS A COMMUNICATION CHANNEL
The connection between the soul and the body has been diminished and separated from each other. We comprehend the body and the soul, yet we overlook how the soul connects to our biology, transforming and modifying each of our cells.
The health of your soul is often representative of the health of your cells, making this an important conversation.
Your identity, which creates your view of life, is a great communication channel that helps you understand the health of your soul and your cells. When your identity falls out of balance, you’ll notice an increase in your ego, not to hurt you but to help protect you. Your ego is a survival mechanism designed to communicate to you, helping you determine when you’re out of balance.
When you notice your ego growing, it’s a sign that it’s time to examine what you’re attempting to make your identity and turn back to God.
Here are a few signs of an unsafe, unhealthy, and expanding ego:
- People pleasing
- Negative Self-talk
- Jealousy or Envy
- Critical
- Enabling
- Selfish
- Manipulating
- Self-Sabotage
If you notice these, re-evaluate where you’re trying to find your place and rest.
TRUTH 04: YOUR IDENTITY IS YOUR POWER
Your identity defines who you are, and this shapes your entire life. You build your life around what you identify with, and that becomes what you care about, what you rest in, and your sense of joy. Because of that, it is your power.
But the power isn’t yours. If you pay attention, you know this. When you are the center of your self-identity, your power is frail. In fact, being the center of your own life is the opposite of being powerful. It’s incredibly powerless, which is why so many people spend so much time in self-protection and isolation.
When you are the center of your life, you expand your ego, decrease your energy and resiliency, and increase your drive for competition. Instead of seeing the power in interconnectedness, your only hope is self-solation and living in a world of self-protection.
But that world doesn’t exist, which is why it’s not only lonely but, in many ways, desperate and depressing. You were not designed for isolation and independence but to depend on God.
The world quickly tells you that dependence is bondage, but it’s freedom. Freedom in understanding life isn’t up to you, but it’s up to God.
True power is not self. It’s surrender.
TRUTH 05: YOUR IDENTITY SHAPES EVERYTHING YOU DO
Your identity is you, and because of that, it becomes an extension of your entire life. If you’re struggling in any area of your life, ask yourself where you find your identity.
In the health space, we have centered so much of our identity on how we look or weigh, leading an entire generation of people to sacrifice their purpose and reward as they chase a place they believe will give them their identity.
But that’s a lie.
Your identity should motivate you to care for your body, not because you need to arrive but so that it can help you live. It’s a simple shift, but it’s profound, and it’s often one our ego will force us to overlook because, in many ways, this way of life is contrary to the popular way.
Misunderstanding your self-identity is easy because the world tells you it’s self-created. But if you trust in God, your identity is His. Your identity is not who you are. It’s whose you are.
God created you on purpose and for a purpose. Live for that and rest in that.
Want to take a deeper dive into self-identity?
This podcast belongs to a larger series called Health School. A podcast devoted to teaching you health is much easier than you know, but that happens when you understand the foundations of how your body works and its connection to your mind and soul.
Get all of the remaining podcasts in this series here.
If you want to learn more about who God made you and your soul connection to your body, here are a few additional posts you may enjoy:
- How To Heal: Healthy Ego + Self Love
- Does God Care About Your Health?
- How To Heal: 5 Radical Truths About Forgiveness
- Four Lessons From The Woman At The Well
