We must break the stigma around libido. And yes, around sex education too (which, in my opinion, is still seriously lacking). You may have noticed that after the podcast’s most popular series, The Sex Talk, aired, there was a lot of chatter about this topic. 

While I’m working on season two of The Sex Talk, I think it’s worth revisiting a few key principles. One being, women do not have a lower libido than men. It’s just different. Expecting it to be the same is often why people assume they have a “libido problem.”

This is especially true in the Christian space, even though the Bible is explicit about sexual intimacy being a gift. Purity culture programmed many to adopt assumptions about intimacy that just aren’t true. And now we’re living in a war of confusion.

I want to help release that, because intimacy is one of God’s greatest gifts and a powerful way to experience life.

Understanding Your Libido

Getting back to libido, I want to be clear, your libido exists. It’s always there. There are times and seasons when your libido may be lower (and feel nonexistent), but that doesn’t mean you’re broken or that you have no desires. I don’t want you to agree with the thoughts that creep in, like:

• “I have zero desire.”
• “I never want it.”
• “I just have to get through the act.”
• “Women have zero desire.”

These simply aren’t true, even if they’ve felt that way. 

We also need to break the stigma that leaves people believing women have a lower libido than men. They do not. In fact, some research even suggests the opposite. The point is, one isn’t better than the other — they’re just different. Understanding those differences allows you to honor your own desire and co-create sexual intimacy in a way that’s fulfilling for both partners.

Which brings me to tip number one of five libido boosters that can boost your desire today.

5 Libido Boosters Every Woman Should Know

01. Honor your differences — gradually turn up the heat.

The first one may feel like a repetition, but it’s important enough to repeat. To boost your libido, you have to honor what it means for you. That requires us to stop assuming that a woman’s and a man’s libidos are the same when they’re not. Both exist, and both are powerful, but they show up differently.

Even beyond gender, your desire is unique to you. What excites you might not excite anyone else, and honoring that is the first step toward understanding and boosting your libido.

In general, for men, libido can come on quickly, like a microwave. Women are more like an oven: slow to warm, but once hot, the heat lasts longer. Respecting this gradual rise allows you to maintain a steady simmer, not a flash of heat that fades quickly.

It’s all in knowing what lights you up and what turns you on. Acknowledging desire — whether sexual, emotional, or relational — is already the first step toward boosting it. It doesn’t always have to look sexual. It could be lingering a little longer in a hug, accepting a compliment, or noticing and honoring your partner for who they are, not what they haven’t done.

02. Stop judging what it means or how it should happen

The second libdio booster is to break the judgment about what it means, what it should look like, and how it should happen. The reality is that desire evolves, just as you do. What worked when you were 20 may not be what excites you at 50 (and that’s actually a good thing).

Unfortunately, judgment has a way of tunneling your vision into a rigid path, obscuring all the other ways libido can express itself. When you assume it’s only one way, you’ll never recognize and experience the multitude of other ways, potentially preventing you from ever experiencing a healthy libido.

The second step is to drop the assumptions, release the rules, and let your desire evolve. You might find your libido expresses itself in ways that surprise you and even ignite it more quickly.

03. Co-create a new definition of intimacy (use consent)

Similar to libido, many people have adopted understandings and definitions about sex, intimacy, pleasure, and libido that aren’t fully true. They’re just assumed. 

You may (and probably do) have desires or preferences that differ from your partner’s. You must communicate and co-create a definition of what intimacy looks like for you and for you together. If you’re not communicating, miscommunication (and hurt) naturally follows. And hurt plummets libido.

Remember: your body’s number one job is protection. If it doesn’t feel safe, desire won’t show up. Safety often begins with mutual understanding.

Talk with your partner about sex, your desires, and boundaries. Use consent, even inside marriage. Consent sets a safety net, freeing your desire to flourish. It can be playful, sensual, fun — but it must be mutual. You’ll be amazed at the difference this makes.

04.  Relax and open up to the playful, creative side of you (even out of the bedroom). 

Stress is one of the biggest libido killers. When you’re stressed, your body is in survival mode, not desire mode. But it’s not stress itself that’s the issue. It’s your perspective on it.

When you shift your focus from what’s out of your control (external stress) to what’s inside it (your perspective), you change your response, and that changes your hormones, your behavior, and your libido. When you regain your power — controlling what you can control and releasing what you can’t — you open space for intimacy, and intimacy is powerfully healing. 

Fun fact: orgasm was historically used to treat depression and anxiety.

But even outside of intimacy, your sexual drive is also your creative drive. Tapping into it can inspire new ideas, shift your mindset, and energize your life. Don’t just play in the bedroom, but engage in fun, play, and creativity every day, even outside the bedroom. It could be a warm bath with a book, a hike with friends, a dinner party, or a new hobby. Let that playful energy, both in and out of the bedroom, expand your sexual desire.

05. Boost your energy.

Your libido is fueled by energy, which means you must address your energy levels or body battery.

Your energy is the single most critical factor that determines the course of action for your biology. If your “body battery” is low, your desire often down-regulates. It slows down or seems to shut off. That’s because libido requires energy in all forms, including physical, mental, and cellular. The healthier your cells, the more energy you produce, and the more naturally high your libido will be.

Notice your energy levels daily and take actions to charge your battery. It’s not just about health, it’s about living fully. Everything impacts your energy, but you get to choose what you engage with. Boost your energy, and your libido will follow.

Get your energy score by taking this quiz and learn tips to improve your body battery.

Want to go deeper? Listen to The Sex Talk

If this sparked your curiosity, there’s so much more waiting for you in The Sex Talk podcast. Season one tackled some of the most common questions, myths, and struggles around desire, intimacy, and sexual health — and it quickly became the most popular series of all time.

Season two is coming soon, and we’re diving even deeper. Breaking down barriers, busting myths, and giving practical, faith-friendly tools to help you connect with yourself and your partner in ways that feel safe, exciting, and joyful.

Whether you’re looking to boost your libido, understand your desire, or just normalize the conversation about sex and intimacy, The Sex Talk is here to guide you.

Listen, learn, laugh, and leave with tools you can actually use — because intimacy is a gift, and it’s meant to be celebrated, not shamed.

Listen to The Sex Talk here.