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Why You Can’t Change: The Backward Law and How to Overcome It

Change is hard but not impossible. The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s your perspective behind what you do. Learn why you can’t change and the backward law to overcome it inside this post!

how to change

Change is hard, almost impossible. Especially if you continuously focus on the fact that you struggle to change. I don’t know how many times I have made a promise and committed to the fact that I was going to change but didn’t.

I was going to stop.
I was going to try harder.
I was going to wake up to my first alarm
I was going to stop eating sugar.
I was going to change _ (fill in the blank).

We all make a lot of promises to ourselves, many of which we’ll never keep. Instead, we tend to keep doing the things we want to change, feeling frustrated and even guilty that nothing ever changes.

Leaving me to question maybe your thought that you need to change is preventing you from living it.
Not because change isn’t possible but because how we try to change makes it impossible.

Inside this podcast, I dive into the science of change, the top five reasons you’re making change impossible, and how to stop trying to change to create it. It’s a prime example of the backward law that states the more you try to change, the less likely you are to experience it. This podcast teaches you why you can’t change and the backward law to overcome it. Spoiler: you’re trying too hard!

The Backward Law: Why you can’t change

You won’t change. Not in the way you think you will.

I don’t mean that to sound pessimistic. I know that nearly every self-help book on the market convincing you to change makes it seem possible. But our idea of change is so impractical it makes it nearly impossible.

When you don’t change, it only amplifies your pain, making change feel more needed. Change becomes like the life raft you need to grab hold of but can’t quite reach.

But that’s exactly the problem with change. It fixates on your problems. And what you focus on, you give the energy to grow. The more energy it has, the bigger it becomes and the harder it is to see the solution.

It leaves your problem at the center of your universe, making it impossible to leave.

Not because it’s actually impossible (change is always possible), but because you’ve given it so much attention, you’ve made it such a part of your life, you respond accordingly by keeping it the center of your life. And the bigger your problem, the smaller your solution.

Plus, change is hard, scary, and uncomfortable, even if it is healthy. Historically speaking, humans are really bad at doing what doesn’t feel comfortable. Keeping us stuck in our repeated loops.

What is stopping you from change?

Take a minute to analyze. What do you think of change? What comes to mind?

Is it scary or overwhelming? Perhaps life is too complicated? Or maybe, you don’t know what direction to change?

We have a lot of questions and uncertainty when it comes to change. But at the root of all of it, change rubs your story and inner identity. It confronts the deeper parts of you that you’ve worked hard to protect, challenging your norm. That alone is scary. That alone is enough to leave you running back to the same patterns and rhythm your life has been, even if it’s not healthy or safe.

Because more than thriving, your body was designed to keep you alive. It was designed to keep you safe. And change is always a threat because it’s uncertain.

The truth is, you won’t change by forcing yourself to do anything. You also won’t change by beating yourself up for not changing. And certainly, change won’t happen when you continuously focus on the problems you face.

Change only happens when you create a new perspective of change. It happens when you stop trying to change and live in the movement allowing that to grow and stretch you. Making you better, stronger, and healthier.

Stop trying to change and inspire it

We’re quick to run away from what scares us.

To run from the hard, painful moments of life. Some people are even good at pretending like they don’t exist. But pain, uncertainty, and change come for us all. It’s a part of living as humans on this side of eternity.

This isn’t intended to scare you but to show you how much more enjoyable life could be if you stopped giving change, pain, and fear a negative connotation. To shift that perspective away from what stops you and learn how to use it as leverage to feel, experience, and do more.

To see hard things as room for growth, learning, and becoming. 

To feel pain, knowing it also helps you to experience more joy. 

To understand change, not to escape what’s been done but to grow from it. 

That’s how you change. Change happens by shifting your perspective from changing through escaping to changing by learning and growing. Choosing to live right here in the moment, even if it’s not where you want to be. 

To inspire change instead of fear it. Knowing different doesn’t have to be scary.

If you want to take things to another level, you might like these:

Learn a new approach to change inside this 4-part live workshop, The Psychology of Change. It takes a deep dive into why you have a hard time changing, how to support your hormones to change your mind, fall in love with self-discipline, and so much more. Learn more and save your seat here.

  1. Alexander says:

    Hi Alexa,
    This is the first time I listened to your podcast and I must say, I am impressed.
    Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

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